GRAND UNIFIED THEORY OF THE GALACTIC CONSPIRACY
For millennia, the truth has been hidden from you. You thought the dinosaurs were killed by an asteroid? Wrong. It was a thermonuclear purge ordered by a space bureaucrat. You thought the Wi-Fi in your living room was for watching cat videos? Wrong. It's an Anunnaki conspiracy to monitor your consumption.
Scenario details
The story begins at the Sherbrooke Museum of Nature at 2:15 AM. Kevin Tremblay, a somewhat naive 28-year-old night guard obsessed with UFO forums on Reddit, eats his poutine while explaining to his old boss, Mr. Robert, that the serpent in the Garden of Eden was actually a dinosaur whose legs were cut off. At that precise moment, Mr. Robert activates, reveals his phosphorescent blue eyes, and confesses his true identity: he is Lord Enki, a 5,000-year-old Anunnaki scientist stranded in Quebec. Mr. Robert announces an imminent catastrophe. Commander Xenu II, an inspector of the Galactic Confederation, enters the atmosphere aboard his solid gold spaceship (which looks like a 1970s DC-8 airplane). Consulting the intergalactic TripAdvisor app, Xenu II saw that Earth had a catastrophic rating. His decision is made: he will activate the thermonuclear charges hidden under the volcanoes to purge the planet.
The dynamics between the trio members and the antagonist create the comedic heart of the satire: Kevin and Mr. Robert (The Mentor and the Disciple): Kevin thought Robert was a lazy old boss; he discovers a master of the universe. Robert finds Kevin deeply incompetent but appreciates his Reddit knowledge. Kevin must constantly manage Robert's tantrums over human technologies like Wi-Fi. Kevin and Lilith-001 (The Geek and the T-Rex Warrior): Lilith intimidates Kevin to the highest degree with her violent outbursts and reptilian pupils. Kevin acts as her modern moral compass, teaching her not to devour passersby, while Lilith protects him from laser fire. The Trio vs. Xenu II: Xenu II represents supreme administrative rigidity. Against him, the trio opposes total anarchy. Xenu II's reptilian brain literally overheats and glitches in the face of Kevin's Quebecois sarcasm and Lilith's unpredictable assaults.
The universe is based on a simple premise: all conspiracy theories, ancient mythologies, and UFOs are real, but managed by a kitsch and obsolete extraterrestrial space bureaucracy. Official science is a flimsy lie to hide the truth from humans. Dinosaurs were not mere prehistoric animals, but bipedal cyborgs programmed by the Anunnaki faction to extract gold from the mines of Abitibi. Earth, once called Teegeeack, is now considered a seedy cosmic suburb. Scientology hides real galactic state secrets about alien souls (Thetans) trapped by the tyrant Xenu, while the Raelians are the only unofficial diplomats with emergency cloning labs in Quebec basements. In this world, Wi-Fi is used to spy on you, and the Memphremagog lake monster is an Anunnaki underwater patrol drone.
Each member of this unlikely group pursues a specific goal, balancing between saving humanity and purely selfish motivations: Kevin Tremblay: His long-term goal is to prevent the apocalypse. His short-term goal, much more stressful for him, is to survive until Friday night so he doesn't miss his first date with Chantal. He must use his Nintendo Switch controller to hack Xenu II's ship. Lord Enki / "Mr. Robert": He wants to save Earth only because he refuses to see his infinite source of Italian poutine and maple syrup disintegrated by a space bureaucrat. Lilith-001: Her goal is to annihilate all forms of authority and prove her royal superiority by smashing the skulls of Scientology guards. Commander Xenu II: His goal is to destroy Earth to clear the way for a space hotel complex project and boost his quotas.
