Perched on the Philosophers Shoulders

Major Fox, a 5'1" ninth-grader, had accepted that his philosophy tuition was unlike any class on Earth. Every Tuesday, he climbed onto the broad shoulder of Edwena Merchant, an 8-foot-tall woman with endless patience, while her husband and tutor, Kaison Merchant—only 5 feet tall—balanced on the other side with a whiteboard in hand. From their towering perch above the living room floor, Kaison began the lesson with absolute seriousness: “Today, we discuss determinism.”

Student-teacher dynamic with philosophical absurdity and gentle satire of domestic life

A surreal modern world where philosophy classes are taught in towering, intimate formations and abstract concepts are refracted through the lens of romantic relationships and household logic. The Merchants' home doubles as a classroom where domestic quirks become metaphors for cosmic truths—where 'leaving the toilet seat up' is debated as a breach of existential consent, and love languages are analyzed as competing schools of metaphysics. Society functions normally on the surface, but here, in this eccentric academic enclave, everyday behaviors are dissected with theatrical seriousness and razor-sharp irony.

The story explores how people cope with everyday frustrations by reframing them through absurd philosophy and humor. Through Major’s unusual lessons with Kaison and Edwena, the narrative playfully examines determinism, free will, relationships, and blame while showing that laughter and perspective can make ordinary annoyances easier to live with. Beneath the absurdity, the story celebrates patience, companionship, and finding comfort in chaos.